Dance Your Best Life! … for life, not just for Christmas!

As I become more involved in my work with women everywhere, I notice that they relate instantly to the title of my book and workshops “Dancing ‘Round the Handbags®“ Not only do they love the title, (and let’s be honest ladies, we have all done it) but they also relate to its meaning and metaphors. As hard working business women we dance to the tunes of others; to the tunes of the organisation, the boss, the colleagues, the employees, the customers, the suppliers and in life, to the partner, the children, the family, friends, supermarket, dentist and everyone else that we deal with! Often this frenetic juggling of demands, appointments, schedules, caring and nurturing, means that a woman dances to so many tunes that she often forgets to dance to her own music. Over time, her own goals, desires and talents become the ghostly memory of a tune once loved. We dance from the moment we rise in the morning, to the time we drop back into bed at night, exhausted by the dance of life. We have periods that seem to be even more challenging and busy than others. During those times we do so much juggling that we have precious little time to reflect or prepare for the next task. In work we run from meeting to meeting, in life we run from main carer to taxi driver! However, at the end of each day we have little sense of achievement and often feel tired and stressed by the amount of responsibilities and chores that we do; dancing to the tunes of others.

As women we continue to live this way with a belief that when the children grow, the husband shares the load, the boss becomes less demanding or the world slows down a little, we will be able to find time for ourselves to develop our dreams; dance to our own tune. As the years pass, the dream of ‘running our own business’, or ‘achieving our degree’ or having ‘me time’, become a faded memory. Alongside this daily existence of frenetic activity, grows the nagging seed of doubt; a sense that you deserve more, want more, can do more – but HOW? For some, it merely manifests in day dreaming of another life.  We fantasize about what we would do, be or have if we had choice. The sad fact is that many women feel they have no choice but to dance this way until the last note of their life plays.

Dancing Round the Handbags® stops the music of life for a while, removes you from the dance floor of life, and opens the handbag that is you. Through coaching, exploration and self-awareness, you will explore your own music and learn how to de-clutter old tunes that hold you back. By the end of the workshop, or coaching, you will return to the dance floor of life with renewed energy and a true sense of your own music.

To buy the book, either visit our website below, or click on the Amazon link:

http://www.dancingroundthehandbags.com

Amazon Links:

http://tinyurl.com/DancingRoundtheHandbags

http://www.amazon.com/Dancing-Round-Handbags-life-changing-businesswomen/dp/1907722645/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325754679&sr=8-1 

So, as we hurtle into yet another year of dancing, will you dance to the tunes of others or to your own music?

Buy this most amazing life-changing book, and then book yourself, or a woman you love onto a Dancing Round the Handbags® workshop, in-house workshop, webinar  or coaching session to help to Dance Your Best Life!

http://www.theworklifecompany.com/The_Worklife_Company/Dancing_Round_the_Handbags.html 

Dance Your best life!

Lynne

Public Speaking Shouldn’t be feared more than Death!

I am often asked, “What is the difference between a presenter and a public speaker?” I have heard this discussed many times, and I would like to suggest that there are a few differences…in my humble opinion. You see, I do both. For example, I may be asked to come into an organisation and deliver a presentation on ‘Effective Communication for Leaders’. This is where I get to PRESENT on a TOPIC which increases the SKILLS or AWARENESS of the audience. This has specific learning objectives attached to it. Presentations usually have either learning objectives, outcome objectives, information objectives or some other kind of ‘education and action’ objective and approach. The audience motivation for attending a presentation (apart from being told to by their boss!), is to fill their knowledge and skills gap with the content of the presentation. If you are presenting in the workplace, then you may be presenting  your business results, the status of your project, your sales forecast or a product presentation. Alternatively, you may be presenting an educational topic like time management, prioritisation, negotiating skills or some other development topic. A presentation is therefore designed to communicate something, and the purpose of communication is to do 2 things: Change behaviour and improve performance. As a result of your presentation, the receiver should be able to go back to their desk and do something different as a result of what you talked about, which should be something that improves their or even your performance. For example, you may be doing a presentation as part of an interview. The objective should be to change behaviour (influence the interviewer to choose you) and improve performance (you and the interviewer are happy).

Public Speaking gleans its motivation not so much in skills improvement, but in INSPIRATION for BREAKTHROUGH change. A Public Speaker wants to inspire their audience to achieve significant and step function change as a result of listening to a story of the speaker’s experience. The presentation usually includes their personal story but can be packaged in a topic, like leadership motivation. It can be educational but also entertaining. Some public speakers focus on entertainment only, and often are hired for after dinner speaking, motivational talks in conferences or as an MC for an event. As a Public Speaker, you must first of all decide if you are education or entertainment. I am an education Public Speaker, and that is not to say that I do not use humour in my presentations, I do. However, I rarely deliver after-dinner speeches and prefer to speak at business conferences. The second thing to mention that is SO important, is that it must be YOUR story, YOUR stories, YOUR jokes, YOUR experiences, not someone else’s! A speaker that borrows other people’s jokes, stories and experiences comes across as shallow and inauthentic. Then, the next step is to choreograph an amazing presentation (with or without slides, and with or without props) to suit your audience. Most Public Speakers that speak educationally, use Aristotle’s method of Public Speaking:

1. Grab them with a big startling opening line

2. Define the problem (the pain for the audience)

3. Define the Solution (what you can do to solve it, your promise)

4. Define the benefits of that solution (whet their appetites; make them want what you are saying)

5. End with a call to action – INSPIRE!

So, if you want to be a Public Speaker, here are 5 of my tips:

1. Decide on your topic – for some this is not clear. You may want to inspire people, but have no clue about the subject you will use to do so. Begin by thinking about what makes you mad, or passionate or determined in work or life. For example, I have a colleague who is an IT geek, and is passionate about people backing up their data. He wanted to speak on this topic, but knew that ‘The importance of data back-up’ was not going to have audiences running to listen to him! So, after a bit of coaching, and pulling out the key things, he decided on ‘Set Fire your Diary and other important Documents’ as his topic heading. His keynote at an internal conference for his company was brilliant!
2. Write your life story – don’t panic! It doesn’t have to be an biography! Use a timeline. If you would like a copy of the Timeline Exercise, drop me a message and I will email it to you. Begin by deciding if your keynote is going to be about your work journey, your life journey or both. On the timeline, you will plot all the positive and negative things that have happened to you in relation to work or life, in order to get you where you are today. This needs time invested in it. When I coach Public Speakers to do this, after a while, and a lot of coaching, the stories very quickly begin to unfold, and some amazing stepping stones to a great talk become evident.
3. A beginning, a middle and an end – start with a bang! You have just a few seconds to grab your audience’s attention. Your words, music and dance of communication are KEY! The words must hit like a freight train, the tone of voice must project effectively and in synergy with the topic and your dance must reflect effective body language, props or costume to fit. You must take all of this into account, as your audience will make up their mind in the first 7 seconds. Middle is a slide, a story, a joke that always happens EXACTLY half way through the time available. I think of it like the middle of an accordion; I can expand or contract my presentation to suit time, but that one comes in the middle, as a calibration of time left. Then there is the ending. It is usually a call to action, but it is not a list of bullet points on a slide, it is usually a quote, a joke, a lesson that leaves the audience completely and absolutely inspired to make change happen for themselves or their organisation.
4. Audience Interaction or not? Up to you, your style and your message. You will find that sometimes you will attract hecklers, or interrupters; pre-empt this, and have responses prepared. The larger the audience, the less likely you are to have this, which, if you don’t want it, makes your life easier!
5. Paid or Free – This is one of the big differences between a Public Speaker and a presenter. A Public Speaker gets their income from speaking. I am often asked to speak at events, but people either cannot or will not pay for my time or expertise. So, here’s my tip if this happens: you decide! I sometimes do free of charge speaking, I sometimes do ‘OK so you can’t pay for speakers, but will you buy my book for everyone?’ talks, I do paid talks and I do ‘Talk and coach (coaching contract with a company as a result).’ presentations. For me, I am sensible and weigh up the marketing opportunity to have access to an audience with the fee. Of course I would prefer to get paid for my work, I value what I do, I value the time I put into it, and I value the fact that I am reliable, professional and inspiring! I wish organisations would value that too. So I would advise you not to have a tablet of stone…especially when getting started.

Remember,  you don’t have to be ill to get better… if you are already a presenter then polishing your skills to be even better may be a good idea! Or, if you haven’t done any public speaking, or dread doing it, remember this…if you haven’t taken a big risk to be the person you are meant to be, then your life is too safe!

Public Speaking is feared more than death itself, in fact, bugs even get a better rating than public speaking! I relish it, but I didn’t used to. I have learned and now I am good at it. If you would like to learn more about Public Speaking or Presenting Effectively, you can do so through my coaching, workshops and tools.

Lynne

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As a Public Speaker, I am often asked for a list or synopses of topics on which I speak. Therefore, I have decided to provide you with a few of the most asked for presentations. To download a copy of my Speaking Synopses click here.Synopses of Presentations to Womens Networks

 

Is Flexible Working a Pipe Dream or a Must Have?

An article written by Jonathon Moules, FT, (link to original article below), reports that despite 76% of surveyed companies offering flexible working, 74% of the employees still reported imbalance due to long hours and increased workload, with 81% claiming that this was to blame for issues in their personal lives, including ill-health.

No business (in my experience) deliberately sets out to create a sweatshop of pit ponies that work until they drop – true?

Also, no employee ever wakes up with the sole intention of destroying their family life, their social life or mess things up for their employer – true?

OK, there may be a few that do, but they are a minority.  Most businesses and employees have the intention of success, and come to work to do a good job. Therefore, it is not the people to blame for imbalance; it is the system within which they work.

The system is the infrastructure that supports the processes and people to deliver the products and services that the business wishes to deliver to its customers in order to achieve its overall purpose. It doesn’t matter whether you manufacture carpets, mobile phones, deliver consulting, or online support, the same is true for all: people, processes and customers, all glued together in a business system.  For most companies, this glue was made in the 20^th century and whilst it worked then, it is too brittle for today’s 21st Century people and customer environments, which require a more malleable  and eco-friendly glue, and so it is beginning to crack and fall apart due to its incompatibility with 21^st work.

20^th century systems have expectations and rules that were born into a world that was more local and less global, a world that had fewer emails, data, information, knowledge and certainly no online or social media. A world where cash and geography, or gender and status attracted talent, where work was predictable, customers loyal and working hours set and measured by HR or huge  ‘Personnel’ departments. Today, companies that still operate 20^th century rules-based systems, regard flexible working as a ‘benefit’ that is only awarded to a chosen few (usually parents and carers), if the business case can be proved, documented and presented to the senior management team for approval. In this 20^th Century system, promotion is awarded based on input (hours) rather than output (contribution) and attitude (values and behaviours). Men are more able to put in these hours than women, who also can if they have no dependants or a husband/partner at home. These 20^th Century Systems are triangular in shape, with room at the top for just a few; all of whom tend to look the same, work the same and expect the same… and everyone below knows where they fit and what is expected of them – performance and results…more with less.
More usually equates to more hours and productivity, less equates to less cost and less life. The 20^th century workplace finds it hard to implement flexible working, because it wants rules, controls and boundaries. It stifles innovation and choice. In this workplace, people feel that they have no choice but to put in the hours. In this environment flexible working becomes exclusive: for mums, but not for managers. For carers and people with disabilities, but not men. Men want flexible working too, but only 4% feel that they can ask for it! It may be available in this company as a Policy document, but the reality is that for many, it is a career decision to ask for it. Instead, we witness increased hours, increased presenteeism, reduced worklife balance, increased sickness absence, increased attrition of women, increased stress, reduced innovation and increased cost. It is time that we retired the 20th Century Management Practice, once and for all!

However, we are now in the 21^st century, email is dying, social media is the new: Head Hunter, marketing channel and social influencer. GenY want worklife balance, flexibility and progress through personal development and sound mentoring. Women are taking back their authentic leadership practice  and many have left the 20^th century company to start their own, 21^st century business. Smart organisations have ripped up the rulebook on time, place and measurement systems that focus on the wrong thing. The customer is the influence of change, Finance are no longer in control and HR work to ensure strategy through development and people management systems that engage, not police.

The 21^st Century workplace is a place where:

• time does not exist, never mind be measured!
• work is crowd-sourced  – sourcers don’t care where it is done, or when it is done, as long as it is done!
• Sometimes a ‘workplace’ doesn’t exist at all, it is a thing you do, not a place you go
• people don’t care if you are male, female, black, white, tall, short, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist or any other faith, or for that matter any other difference – you are hired for your contribution, you are included
• values, contribution, behaviour and attitude are measured first then skills and capabilities second: Competency frameworks are passé!
• time sovereignty is put in the hands of the employee – they are grown-ups, they can manage their own time, or in certain roles, roster with teams to cover production or ‘on’ time, defined by customer demand and family needs.
• leaders lead and don’t control and that leadership is blended leadership, not performance leadership – the triangle has become a circle - a culture where no one is king, and hierarchies are redundant
• ownership, accountability, responsibility and collaboration is key – politics, self serving behaviour and manipulation are out
• employees develop their T-Zone – depth and breadth – depth is expertise and playing to strengths, breadth is relationships and networking (mostly online and social)
• talent is sourced from around the world, not just locally
• Wellbeing, worklife balance and corporate social responsibility work in partnership to build sustainable communities and businesses
• there is a culture of ‘how can we do this?’ Not, ‘we can’t do this!’
• Women as well as men lead, create innovation, collaboration, balanced risk, balanced lives…balanced books

The 21^st Century workplace expects flexible working to be the norm, it is not a strategy, it is the way it works! The 21st Century company achieves this by respecting the dignity and choice of its communities, customers and contributors.

Flexible working is not the problem it is just that companies are trying to run a 21^st century system in a 20^th century culture! A bit like expecting the 21^st century technology in your iPhone or iPad to be compatible or sync with your 1980’s obsolete computer. Compatibility is the key! It is the system that needs to change, not the flexible working!

System Changes that need to happen for flexible working to work include:

• Focus on the external customer, find out when you are needed, really needed and develop your flexible working patterns to suit your market, not your internal rules, then let your people loose to decide what hours, when and where they contribute.
• Challenge every legacy process! Ask yourself, why do we say ‘no’ to this? For example, why do we say ‘no’ to social media, flexible working, women in senior roles, part-time managers etc.? then ask yourself, how can we say ‘yes’
• Build an employee brand linked to customer intimacy  – hire for attitude, you can train the rest
• Change people from being called employees to being called contributor – that way, they align themselves to their contribution, your customer and your vision
• Work with leaders to define the culture and vision and align with a Blended leadership approach – ask us to help here!
• Train and coach managers for consistency of implementation, if they don’t fit the mould of the type of manager you need, then maybe a different role would be better
• Play to strengths – rip up the performance management systems that focus on people’s weaknesses, they are out of date
• Create flexibility that is customer focused and employee championed – allow teams and individuals to work it out and free up HR to do something more aligned to the 21^st century like new performance systems (focused on strengths), new pay systems focused on contribution, attitude and values, and flexible working ideas linked to customer excellence
• Create choice, collaboration and effective communication systems that respect difference, are delivered using the right medium and promote gender inclusion
• Strip out workload. 75% of a process can be stripped out because it is not focused on your customer. It is a rule or a step set up by some internal controller

To end, I heard just recently, someone say: ‘there is no such thing as a glass ceiling, just asbestos in the walls’. In this case, the walls are the system and they are poisoned by out of date rules that no longer work in today’s society.

Lynne Copp

Founder, The Worklife Company, Speaker, Author, Coach

Original article link:

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/855f3d8c-cfd1-11e0-a1de-00144feabdc0.html

Clean the Pond, not the Fish!

I posted a link earlier in the week, an article printed in the Daily Telegraph saying that women are more than twice as likely to be depressed as men, and that depression in middle-aged women has doubled in the last 40 years. However, between 25 and 45 they are four times more likely to be depressed.

The challenges of juggling work, life, home and other responsibilities is taking its toll on us. You would think that having a husband to help would help, but in fact, According to Professor Hans Ulrich Wittchen, whilst marriage reduces depression in men, it increases the risk in women… Now I am not suggesting that divorce or running away to a Buddhist Monastery is the solution; all be it tempting, I am however keen to highlight that the solutions may be wide and varied, and the problem is very common.

Let’s look at the facts:

• There are around 26.8 million women in the UK over the age of 16 - 70% of these women work outside the home and 1 in 6 working women have children under 16. Children can’t get themselves to childcare or to and from school in many situations and why should they?
• The average age for a woman giving birth to her own child is 30 – her lifestyle choices and career are pretty established by then and lifestyle is tough to give up…so we demand 2 salaries in order to maintain the material wealth
• 86% of the caring is carried out by women in the family and 26% have childcare as well as elder/dependant care responsibilities – work is about 50 hours a week, caring is 50 hours…time for self?
• Of all the women that leave an organisation to have a child, only 49% return due to the lack of flexibility of their employer – old fashioned and out of date leadership practices prevail. It is easier to say ‘no’ to flexible working than look for options
• Of those that do return, within 10 years only 4% have been promoted in line with male peers – some women don’t have time to spit, let alone put their hand up for promotion, but many more are passed over
• Of the number of women that work, 58% work part-time or reduced hours and the age of the youngest child affects the employment rate of mothers. Of working-age women with children aged under five, 57 per cent were in employment. This compared with 71 per cent for those whose youngest child was aged five to ten and 78 per cent whose youngest child was aged 11 to 15.
• Of the total population of senior managers, only 11% are women
• The average hourly rate for men is £12.94, for women it is £9.25 – women’s salaries are often swallowed up by childcare costs and if they employ a nanny, they pay tax twice
• Stress related illness, chronic fatigue and M.E. is higher in women than in men due to the multiple roles and responsibilities placed on women in our society – our women are literally exhausted.
• 80% of sickness absence is stress, 44% of that is worklife imbalance and only 4% of men believe that they have imbalance between work and life – empathy for women?
• 76% of women at senior management positions has a life partner in an equally professional role, 76% of men at the top has a wife that stays at home – empathy for women?
• One large employer who changed their working practices saved £1m in the first year alone due to a reduction in sickness absence thanks to flexible working
• A recent survey of 200 managers found 70 per cent of those who work flexible hours scored higher on resilience, leadership and commitment than their nine-to-five colleagues. In addition, they had a 30% higher level of output.
• The findings of a study of 100 organisations shows that loyalty boosts productivity and customer retention – a 5 per cent swing in retention rates resulted in earnings swings of 25 per cent to 100 per cent, up if retention is higher, down if lower.

So many of my coaching clients are women, and so many of them are just simply exhausted. Chronic exhaustion and stress not only impacts their ability to be productive, but also their ability to be a good mum, carer, wife, friend and colleague. These women continue to blame themselves, they think that if they work harder, smarter or go on yet another Time Management course that all will be well. In our cash-rich, time-poor society we are jeopardising the very core of our longevity – our women. Treated like slaves and paid a pittance for working twice as hard; it is time that our society, our workplaces, our family structures and communities changed. We must redress the balance for our future wellbeing and generations of children and communities.

What can organisations do?

The CIPD released guidelines on how to recognise stress in employees, how to measure it and how to deal with it. That is a good step, an indicator, but many managers are too focused on the targets, performance and profits to notice an employee getting sicker or more exhausted. Unlike a rash or a headache, stress related illness generally does not just happen overnight. It is caused by the drip, drip, drip of smaller stressors and over time, they deplete the energy, productivity and motivation out of an employee.
As shown in the diagram, we all have a stress threshold, the big macro stuff like global warming or pollution or the threat of crime, rarely tips us over that threshold. The work stuff, drip, drip drip of change, higher targets, fear of job security, etc. can begin to make us distressed. But you do not employ 2-dimensional people! Add to the workplace stress the home stuff and suddenly you have people who are well over their stress threshold. If women have to deal with 86% of this, is it any wonder that they are becoming ill? They say that men get mad and women get sad… sadness is internal squashed down stress that if not dealt with can become depression. In general, if a woman’s work and life is out of balance, she will tend to blame herself. Self blame, can lead to self anger – big girls don’t get angry, it’s not ladylike, so we bite our tongue and work harder, hoping that someone will take the pressure away. Down and down the transition curve they slide until they fall into the dark pond of depression, slopping up the left side just long enough to see all their failings and top up the guilty feelings about letting their team and their family down.

Sadly, taking these women out of the workplace and allowing them the space, the rest, the healing time to just be is not enough. It is a bit like taking a goldfish out of a muddy pond, cleaning up the fish and putting it back in the same muddy pond. Six months, a year, two years later, she is back where she started…unable to breathe thanks to all the muck she has swim through.

Yes, I am in to pond cleaning as well as fish cleaning! The pond in this case is the organisation she works for, and the bigger pond is our society. For this article, let’s just clean the little pond…I want organisations to really clean up their act, and  here are 3 short-term things from my lengthy list to start you off:

1. Who says you have to do more with less?

How about stopping the people cull?  It’s time the finance people measured the long term health of the pond and stopped throwing fish out! I challenge every business to stop cutting headcount and start cutting process bureaucracy. 75% of an internal process can be stripped out, because it is not focused on your customer. How much would that save your business? The continual downsizing means that the ones that are left are doing the jobs of 3, 4 and sometimes 5 people. These so-called intelligent short-term accountants may have killed fish, but they haven’t cleared the muck that stops the remaining fish from swimming well! This has lead to a long hours culture in the UK, we work 44% longer hours than other Euro neighbours and we are 27% less productive…that makes business sense Mr FD! Let’s chain everyone to their desk and create a presenteeism culture that measures hours of work as a badge of commitment. Old fashioned short term management is dead RIP! Focus your money skills on dealing with the waste in the pond, yes, some fish will change ponds, but is this the only creative strategy you have?

Women in general haven’t succumbed to the long hours culture, not because they are not committed, but rather they have another full-time job to go to when they leave you. On average, between the age of 30 and 50, a women has about 14.8 hours a year available for just her…ponder that as you meander across the golf course. 14.8 hours is a shower now and again…

2. Who says you have to work 9 to 5, or 8 to 6?

We developed those working hours 150 years ago before we had electricity…they were the daylight hours. How about looking at time differently? Go round your workplace, and ask does it have to be done this way? Is there another option? For example, we live in an ageing population, how about creating a job share across a year? Most over 60′s want to work part time (men and women), a number of parents would love to have the flexibility of term-time working – that suggestes to me that you, as an employer, get your year covered and both parties get a job – oh, and they are more motivated and committed too! Data says that 2 people job sharing in a happy pond creates productivity of 2.78 people… Your older person is unlikely to want holidays during school time and would therefore work when a parent is at home or building sandcastles! Another client of mine could not recruit fish for her pond, she was spending a fortune on tropical fish from overseas, who struggled to deliver productivity. So she introduced a very controversial self-rostering system. Most of her shifts were voluntarily covered apart from 9:30 to 3:00 on weekdays – the first week alone she had 5000 applications from local fish that were out of work because they couldn’t work the rigid shift pattern of 10-2, 2-10 and 10-6. Think outside the box! How much talent are you losing out on because of inflexibility?

People need flexible working for reasons and seasons…there are many ways to cut up the time in the pond!

3. Who says you can’t have a team approach?

There is no ‘I’ in team, but there are a number of fantastic individuals who NEED to have the community and company of others and they are  your women. In my Lipstick leadership research, the number ONE thing that women value is relationship building and collaboration. I challenge you to make this a part of your working culture. Not just a women’s network that can get together once a quarter (if they make the numbers or meet their targets), but a community that gets together once a week or more, and for an hour or two, to share, to chat, to build support networks, to create a sense of belonging. Our communities have become depleted, many of us don’t even know our next door neighbour! Women need communities; shoals of fish to entrain with! Shoals where they can share stories of collicky babies, moan about stroppy teens and cry over sick parents. Shoals where they can help each other with work, build each other’s career progression and have a sense that they are not alone;  that other women have been there too, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. They need to know that help is on hand of they want it, whether it be to make soup, iron school clothes, read to sick relative or help with a business strategy. I challenge businesses to create women’s networks that are properly funded in terms of money and time…a shoal cannot swim without oxygenated water and food to sustain it. Women need to set up small communities that meet regularly. When I worked for HP, we did this successfully and it positively impacted the whole business.

I have suggested 3 things that cost virtually nothing, but afford you everything. You can’t afford not to do this, our future wellbeing as a nation depends on the health of our women and therefore the communities that they build naturally.

No one ever lay on their deathbed wishing that they’d spent more time at work. Work is not just doing tasks, it’s being happy, healthy, motivated and contributing!

Clean the pond!

Lynne Copp supports organisations to create balance and women to dance their best life.

e: admin@theworklifecompany.com

Asking for What you Want

Making your words work, was the subject of the presentation today at the Scottish Women in Technology Conference hosted at Hewlett Packard in Erskine. It was part of a series of presentations under the banner of ‘It’s not a Glass Ceiling, it’s a Sticky Floor’ by author, Becky Shambaugh. Becky has identified that there are about 7 Sticky Floors that hold women back, and one of them is our reticence or inability to ask for what we want.

I began my session by exploring the barriers to ‘asking for what you want’. These fantastic delegates from HP, IBM, Cisco, Dell, JP Morgan and a host of other admirable organisations, recognised that 3 main barriers that held them back:

1. Lack of self confidence

2. FEAR – of saying ‘no’, of managing expectations and fear of their own success and failure

3. Knowledge and expertise – linked to am I perfect enough? Am I good enough? Can I gain clarity?

We explored these in detail, lack of confidence being the burning issue. Here is what we explored…

Self Confidence

Acceptance is a basic human need. A new born baby, born into the world, seeks acceptance with its first breath, cry and suckle, as it lies feeding on its mother’s breast or bottle. Lying there it is finding acceptance and of course love. Rejection at this vital part of life leads at worst, to death. Therefore, her fight for survival means getting her needs met immediately; our first learned behaviour…or instinctive behaviour.

As that child grows, it develops a sense of status in its family; the big sister, the little sister or the only one.

She then develops more and gains her experience; the one that’s good at maths, good at ballet or good at art, for example. Normal functional parents love to talk about what their child is good at, and recognises each child’s strengths as they develop. As a result, this child grows into an adult with a good level of self confidence, worth and esteem.

However, in the workplace, this little cycle goes the opposite way round… you must prove your experience, in order to achieve status and therefore acceptance. Think about when you go for an interview? You are often asked ‘what is your experience?’ proving experience gets you status (a role) which leads to acceptance (inclusion and belonging).

Nathaniel Brandon once said that “Self Esteem is the integrated sum of SELF CONFIDENCE and SELF RESPECT; It is the CONVICTION that you are COMPETENT to deal with life’s challenges, and that you are WORTHY of happiness.” In short, I like to think that self-esteem is the way that you talk to yourself. In my book Dancing Round the Handbags, I discuss this in more detail and provide you, the reader, with ways to develop confidence, conviction and worth. Suffice to say that for many women, our sense of deserving is lower than that of our male peers. The reasons are many, but one points at a multi-billion dollar industry that is telling us to be as small as possible and that we are not good enough the way we are. Taking up as little space as we can, and not bragging about our strengths depletes our power and often gives it away to those ready to accept credit. On the radio recently, I heard a report about the increase in obesity in the UK, and whilst that is not good, it was interesting to hear the ‘expert’ say that ‘anyone over a size 18 is obese’ – a size 18 is a term that applies to women’s clothes; is it only women who are obese? There was no mention of the size 38 trousered-muffin-topped-fat-bellied men that wobble around! Advertising for slimming products, low fat foods or drinks usually depict women and not men in their one-dimensional message. Each day, women are bombarded with messages that tell them they are not good enough, therefore it is no wonder that this manifests in the workplace too. Many women question their talent believing that a job must be easy, or that they are lucky to hold it, rather than believing that they are good or great at what they do. Read the chapter in Dancing Round the Handbags that deals with our view of the world in this context. The chapter is ‘My Mirror’ and explores how you see yourself and how you can build confidence.

FEAR

For most of us, the  fear of rejection is high, and for women, who tend to blame internally, they hold themselves back by a critical voice that says ‘do I have the right skills and experience to do this? Will I get the recognition I need? Will I be accepted?’ The old story about women not applying for jobs because they can only do 8 out of 10 of the role requirements, is based in this fear of rejection. Not having all the knowledge, experience and qualifications (credentials) is a core self limiter for women. This leads to a cycle of self limiting behaviours that can be addressed with the right interventions that are discussed below. Interestingly, knowledge and expertise was the third barrier and very much linked to fear.

FEAR – a big word, and guess what it is a nemonic for? False Expectation Appearing Real – most fear is future based and imagination generated. Most fear is not real, it is imagined! It comes from something that women practice and perfect – the act of chaining. We have a basic need for acceptance (as shown in the diagrams above), and fear of rejection is a huge inhibiter. For example, delivering a sales presentation may induce fear, and thoughts like, ‘what if I mess it up? What if they laugh at me? what if I get thrown out? OMG I might lose my job! OMG I won’t be able to pay the mortgage! OMG me and the kids will be out on the street!’ and before a woman has even arrived at the conference room door to deliver her sales presentation, her fear of rejection levels are so high, that she has become a bag lady on the street! For many women this becomes self limiting, and the flight response kicks in and holds us back from taking a risk… or an opportunity!

We all meet face to face with Mrs Opportunity at times in our life, our ability to grasp that opportunity and run with it requires COURAGE. Think about someone just about to do a parachute jump, they, as they stand on the edge of the plane door, feel fear. It is courage that helps them to jump. Then, having landed on the ground, they have had an EXPERIENCE, no one can take that away from them! Good or bad it is their experience; whether exhilaration or despair. That experience outcome creates choice ‘I am never doing that again!’ or ‘I can’t wait to do that again!’ Choice creates empowerment – you cannot delegate empowerment, you can only experience it through choice. People who have no choice, are rarely empowered. Empowerment creates self confidence. Self confidence is the antidote to fear and helps us to create more opportunities for ourselves and turns this cycle shown left, to one that flows in a positive direction with different outcomes.

The Solution

To build self confidence in women to take more risks and dance their best life, I believe that employers can help by:

1. Providing one to one coaching for women – I coach a few women from SWIT and WIT, but I believe that no one has yet had the confidence to ask their employer to pay for this investment in themselves and so they are paying for my time as private clients – YOU ARE WORTH IT! Employers, they deserve it and I believe that a personal coach is important (tip: qualified one! too many people say they are coaches, and are not qualified!). Mentors are abundant, and of course provide mentoring related to the job, but for women, ‘doing the job’ is only one part of the equation. I think that they need a coach to develop them as individuals, to raise self awareness, esteem and personal attributes.

2. Provide each woman with a male career sponsor – read my blog on sponsorship to find out more

3. Invest in an internal scholarship programme to prepare, train and qualify women ahead of the job ad being placed on the board. I developed a scholarship programme for HP when I was there. It was not gender specific, but it allowed employees to develop the skills and capabilities to do their dream job. I had secretaries that wanted to get into finance, support engineers who wanted to sell, HR people that wanted to do marketing communication…the list was endless! It provided a great low risk platform for people to dip their toe in the pond of career change, learn the skills, be coached, mentored and ghost for about 18 months. When the jobs came up, they were all ready to apply!

4. Playing to each woman’s strengths - The barrier to asking for what women want is KNOWLEDGE and clarity of their own expertise. When you play to your strengths, this is rarely an issue. People who do what they love and love what they do, rarely worry about skills and capabilities to do the job. It is usually only when we are not passionate about our work, or undervalue a specific task that we feel an incongruence. Playing to your strengths never feels like work. Therefore support your women to develop their strengths, and help them to let go of all weaknesses. I remember a manager once telling me that my communication skills were excellent, but that my planning and organising skills were rubbish…he paid a fortune for a lot of time management courses that did little to improve my organisation skills, or his profitability! Even today, it is not a strength for me, but I now find other people who do have it as a strength and set them free to organise me, and me free to do what I love best!

5. Kick the birdie out of its nest! In other words, to help your women to fly, they must get out of their comfort zone, help them to take a big risk. An old boss of mine in HP once said to me, ‘Lynne, if you haven’t taken a big risk in the last 12 months, your life is too safe.’

The SOAP than cleans up this floor is:

S: Self, manage your critical voice, you are good enough! Take a risk – what’s the worst thing that can happen?

O: Others – manage your boundaries, understand communication, politics and take credit for your work

A: Attitude – Look always for a win-win in your communication, ensuring that it is assertive and not aggressive or passive. Use Zapper phrases and encourage positive energy within you and in others

P: Philosophy – The philosophy of the organisation is it’s culture. Do you hold the same values, beliefs and behaviours that your organisation does? Find out what the culture truly is and decide if you fit. Caroline Taylor said yesterday ‘Imagine yourself as a tree, the branches are all the places that your career takes you and the choices you make. Your roots are your values and that which is core to you. Make sure that you are casting a shadow that gets you what you want’. Too many women are oak trees casting the shadow of a sapling it is time to set yourself free!

Remember:

‘Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are. It is an outward expression of COURAGE, CONVICTION and CONFIDENCE that is in service to, and protection of, your values’.

I look forward to working with you all again, and hope that you will buy my dancing Round the Handbags book (out in November), workshops, coaching and training to support you and your women to develop.

Finally, I would like to extend my sincere thanks to HP, and particularly Corinne Buivenga and Roisin Reilly for their support, encouragement and confidence in my ability to deliver value to the women of SWIT and HP. Please share this blog with all who could not attend – and anyone else that you think would benefit.

Ladies, Dance your best life!

Lynne Copp, Author, Public Speaker, Coach & Developer of People

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter: http://www.facebook.com/dancingroundthehandbags Twitter: dancinghandbags

We are herding animals, but we are not battery hens that peck away at keyboards all day!

I have been working in the field of communication since I uttered my first audible, grunty, word at about 6 months old. At 18, I wanted to do a degree in ‘Communication Skills’ at Edinburgh, but my dad felt that engineering would be more useful…so I qualified with the ability to change a plug, recognise a PC Board and not fry myself when changing a fuse. Beyond that, I was disengaged with the whole inanimate prospect of becoming an engineer.

What excited me more, was the way people interacted; what caused conflict, who influenced who – who called for the plugs to be changed and who did the changing. My development as a communicator has taken longer than the time it takes to graduate with an electronics engineering degree, and some of it has been in the School of Hard Knocks, but suffice to say that at the ripe age of 50 (which I achieved last week), with a few well-earned qualifications to my name, my expertise is clear. I create balance for people and business and I achieve this through communication, by supporting organisations to balance performance and engagement, work and life, customer needs and internal process, masculine and feminine culture, men and women, work and play or any other aspect of balancing (apart from the books; money is not a strength!).  I now understand that communicating and creating balance through communication is my life’s purpose. I have worked on and trained a number of communication programmes, gender communication, worklife balance workshops, development centres, written books and coaching models –  I love it all! I love the whole psychology of what makes us, us. As a coach, trainer and public speaker I have shared my expertise and knowledge with many managers, leaders, employees, mums, dads, children and teens. I have used my research to support organisations to create great places to work, and my training course entitled ‘High Impact Communications’ outstripped any other on the BAE Leadership curriculum and ran for a staggering (or communicative) 9 years!

So what? Why is this important now?

Because it is time for me to help businesses to knock down their hen house.

The Pecking Order

In business, we wear more computing power on our wrists than existed when I started my engineering course. That technological tidal wave has brought with it access to information, knowledge and a 24×7 world that is always on. It came with the promise of more efficiency, effectiveness and the ability to free us up to do other things; sadly the impact is less than rosy. Email epidemics hit the business world during the 90′s, and whilst that virus of ineffective communication is now beginning to die off, it is being replaced by social media, smart phones and You Tube. As I have taken time to learn how people interact, I see many leaders and managers lose the ability to communicate. They wade into the office each day, switch on the technology and spend most of their time behind a screen; on a teleconference, or email weeding. The performance cultures that drive up targets and hours, due to higher workloads and the addiction of ‘always on’, have reduced our ability to interact. There is nothing wrong with all communication tools, but dependence or addiction to one way of communicating creates imbalance in our businesses, families and communities. I encourage all of you to spend time in community with your people, your families, your friends. Do not replace the need for belonging, by always substituting face-to-face with teleconferences, videoconferences and social media.I urge you to take time to learn how to communicate effectively again. Take a leaf from my friend’s book who told me, ‘Work had become so full on, that I was working 6 days a week. I spoke to my twelve-year old son every day, but via Facebook. I never saw him apart from a couple of hours on a Sunday. One day, he said to me ‘dad, don’t friend me on Facebook anymore, I don’t know who you are. I have forgotten what you smell like, look like and can’t remember what a hug is like. Most of all, I have no sense of you and what you mean to my life any more.’ My friend resigned from his job. Don’t get so addicted to the kit, the workload, the crackberry that there is no time for what is really important.

I read recently that our young people today are as lonely as our elderly, because their sense of getting together, has been replaced by imprisonment in their bedroom cells with virtual relationships developed on Facebook. We are herding animals, we are not battery hens that peck away at keyboards all day! Effective communication happens when we work and live face to face. We need to see the whites of eyes, the body language and the empathetic, sensing that creates belonging. We need to switch off the kit and spend time with one another! That is so important if we are to move into the 21st century without the impact of depression on the next generation, lack of community, limited sense of reality, lack of trust and inability to interact on a human level. Is it any wonder we have the problems in society that we do? During the recent riots, one young man commenting on the raging flames burning down his apartment, was asked by a journalist, ‘This is awful, how did you escape? and who lives above you?’ The young man turned back his gaze towards the burning building and said ‘I’m sorry, I really don’t know if anyone lives there.’ Our communication infrastructure, from a human and herding perspective, is out of balance, we must re-connect with our communities for our own social wellbeing. As an engineer (cough, cough), I simulated a power cut in my own house the other day (I tripped the fuse). My family had no access to TV, their Macs, or any other technological item. They couldn’t even charge their phone or make a cup of tea. It was interesting to see how after a while of mild panic, they soon settled down into conversation, laughter, interacting and even playing… they asked questions of one another, read real books for a while and even went for a walk in the countryside! At the end of the day, I flicked the switch back on and reconnected them with their virtual world. Did they miss it? Not certain, but what I am certain of is the words used by my eldest daughter who said ‘this has been a good day, just spending time with my sister and you has reminded me I belong to a lovely family and it is good to know you’re all there.’ In business, it is important that we do this too. I am not suggesting that you flick the mains switch off, but do spare a thought for your home based workers who need to know that they belong to something. They need that reconnecting time with the team too, so plan a regular get-together to ensure that you build the sense of belonging in a team. Otherwise you will have a group, and groups don’t succeed as well as teams. I have a theory that if we were to get together more often, just to kick the leaves, chat, brainstorm, innovate, we would be more efficient, effective and be deluged with less so-called communication… what do you think?

The Future

The world of work is changing, and leadership practices that served us well in the last century are fast becoming out of date. There is a need for balance. It is time to balance performance with engagement, work with play, masculine with feminine, work-time with family-time, and human with machine. Managers must re-learn the ability to balance each of these things if they are to create wellbeing in our communities and businesses for our future sustainability. Working on and developing effective communication is and should be a part of your core management development programme. This kind of training is not presentation skills or email etiquette! It is much too important to be just a skill. It should be a core behaviour, value, belief and become part of your identity – for your customers as well as your people.

So does your business want effective communicators or keyboard peckers?

High Impact Communication is a training programme for managers that allows each delegate to learn about human communication through acuity, learning how to engage, how to influence, how to manage communication, experience empathy, use the right medium for the right job and much more. A synopsis of this two-day programme is noted below.  To run a High Impact Communication – face to face – in your business, give me a call or email me. lynne.copp@theworklifecompany.com www.theworklifecompany.com

High Impact Communication for Business

This programe is designed to provide leaders and senior managers with the communication skills to be able to engage with others more effectively. The course explores:

• self to others communication - how we communicate to others, non-verbal communication, acuity skills, authentic communication, influencing others, the Six Step Process for effective communication, communication style
• others to self communication – the power of influence, how other people’s approaches attract and repel us. Conflict and how to handle it, the subliminal effect of other people’s communication style, diversity and gender communication differences
• others to others communication - how business culture impacts our effectiveness as leaders. The power of core values on communication. How to influence culture, how to communicate through different medium
• self to self communication - the biggest enemy to our success is often the way we communicate to ourselves. What can we do to eliminate the critical voice inside, challenge our own deeply held beliefs, create empathy and value differences of internal opinions, getting your needs met, learning to say no, understanding your values, purpose and vision.

Depending on whether you choose a one-day or a two-day version of this course, modules can be flexible and pulled together from a menu of choices, depending on business need. The first two are core to each programme, then on a one day workshop, you can choose two others from the list. For the two-day programme, you can choose 6 optional modules and may even choose an optional 7th if the workshop is residential.

For further information contact:

Lynne Copp

The Worklife Company,

lynne.copp@theworklifecompany.com

www.theworklifecompany.com,

07831 406914

Who Are You Talking To?

An excerpt from the

Dancing Round the Handbags® ‘My Phone’ Chapter

An exercise in communicating effectively!

Have you ever noticed that there are those you seem to gel with and those that you do not like or actively avoid? It appears that their way of communicating or interacting is alien to your own. This can become a problem when that person is key to your success, like your boss, or someone who can influence your career. Also, in business settings like presenting, networking, running meetings, interviews and day-to-day interactions with colleagues, it is important to be able to engage with others in order to influence and communicate with them effectively.

Being able to recognise someone’s communication style and adapt our own to suit, is a real skill. It takes acuity, which is the ability to notice and listen to the style of another, then using mirroring, leading and pacing skills, adapt your words, music and dance to suit theirs. The purpose of any communication is to influence change, therefore if your preferred style does not work with certain individuals or teams, imagine how useful it would be to have at your fingertips, a tool that would support you to influence them every time?  Effective communication comes from the ability to recognise and influence from the receiver’s frame of reference. By communicating more effectively, and asking for your needs to be met in the language of the receiver, you reduce your own stress, improve relationships and ensure that you get your needs met! Adapting your style does not mean changing your personality, it just means becoming more flexible when dealing with people who you perceive to be different, or difficult to deal with.

The ‘My Phone’ Chapter in Dancing Round the Handbags® is focused on communication and explores networking and communication style. Below, I have taken an excerpt from the chapter, a tool that if used effectively, has the ability to provide you with the skills to flex your style to influence yourself and others, adapt to suit others and get your needs met more effectively. It is one of a number of tools provided as part of the ‘My Phone’ chapter, which once complete will raise your ability to communicate and network more effectively.

This exercise will be used at the forthcoming Women in Technology event in Glasgow, during which I will work with the women to show them how powerful it can be. It is also part of the Dancing Round the Handbags® Women’s retreats and workshops, as well as the book – which will be out in November.

Your Communication Preferences

By looking at the list of words below, tick or highlight all of those that best describe you. Be aware, this is not how you would like to influence others, but rather how you currently do. You should seek to tick or highlight at least 40 words, not less than 30, and no more than 60. Then, add up the total numbers of the corresponding letter and write it in the scorecard at the bottom. Remember, be honest with yourself, you’ll get better results that way, which will help your personal development.

My Preferred way of influencing others is to be:

IS	Intense		JE	Relaxed		AL	Sociable
AL	Stimulating		CH	Determined		JA	Contemplative
IS	Analytical		JE	Team focused		KA	Impatient
SY	Dynamic		CH	Task/Target driven		JE	Caring
CH	Driven		KA	Assertive		SY	Impulsive
SY	Persuasive		SY	Fascinating		AL	Intuitive
KA	Demanding		SA	Loyal		CH	Insistent
JA	Detail conscious		JA	Organised		JE	People focused
AL	Chatty		SA	Passive		JA	Secretive
AL	Enthusiastic		SA	Tranquil		SY	Charming
CH	Tough		AL	Chaotic		AL	Attention Grabbing
IS	Systematic		KA	Direct		IS	Factual
SY	Restless		JE	Patient		JA	Enigmatic
KA	Powerful		JA	Reasoned		KA	Vigorous
SA	Calm		SY	Spontaneous		SY	Motivating
AL	Energetic		KA	Commanding		IS	Meticulous
IS	Tenacious		IS	Questioning		AL	Emotional
JA	Formal		CH	Competitive		CH	Unflinching
AL	Excitable		AL	Passionate		SA	Reserved
SA	Reserved		JA	Cautious		KA	Heroic
KA	Adventurous		SA	Quiet		SA	Accepting
JE	Flexible		KA	Goal oriented		SA	Peacemaker
IS	Critical		AL	Fun		SY	Influential
CH	Formidable		CH	Authoritative		SA	Respectful
JE	Good tempered		SA	Charitable		SA	Courteous
SY	Provocative		JA	Methodical		JE	Inclusive
JA	Private		JE	Tolerant		JA	Rational
SY	Collaborative		CH	Unwavering		IS	Logical
JE	Devoted		JE	Trusty		CH	Single-minded
CH	Intimidating		IS	Investigative		JE	Encouraging
IS	Judicious		KA	Challenging		JA	Inquiring
KA	Achieving		IS	Vigilant		SY	Inspiring

Below, write your total scores from the table above.

IS

JA

SA

JE

AL

SY

KA

CH

Interpreting your Scores

If you are like most people, you will have scores in all areas, and when you join up the dots, may observe a dominant preference towards one particular style, for example a higher IS score or a higher CH score. Or you may have equal scores in each box, showing no dominant preference, or zero in certain areas, showing an extreme lack of preference. There is no right or wrong answer; it is just your current communication preference. Copy and paste your scores from the table above and email them and I will send you your communication preference and how to adapt it to suit others.

Or, you may wish to run a fun morning/afternoon or full day workshop for your women’s network or team, where you can learn more about this tool and how to use it effectively (especially to manage upwards!). If so, then contact me via email, Linked-In Facebook or good old phone!

lynne.copp@theworklifecompany.com

Facebook: Dancing Round the Handbags

Twitter: Dancing Handbags

Dance Your BEST Life! 

Balancing the Bottom Line, whilst Balancing Work and Life

What is work? What is life? Let’s imagine that these two things are either side of a set of scales. Imagine for me that they are in balance, held by a pivot at the top. Let’s begin with work, work is a source of income; the wear-with-all to do the other side. I often ask an audience, ‘if you were to win the jackpot on the national lottery tonight, would you go back to work?’ Usually, about 22% of the audience put their hand up and say ‘yes’. That’s because work is more than just a source of income. It is also a source of our identity, our social herding, our purpose or our vocation. Some of the most stressed people in our society are the long-term unemployed because they have no reason to put their feet on the floor in the morning. 
Having the purpose of work is key for our self-worth, and does lead to positive motivation.

Let’s regard life. For me, life is about family friends, leisure learning and self. Usually includes social, spiritual and leisure too. For women, 85% of caring responsibilities are still carried out by them, and women tend to still be the main home-makers; even though they hold down big careers too. Caring can account for up to 50 hours a week; add that to a full-time demanding career or boss and where is the time for self? Where is the time to rest, nurture and refresh?

Many employers still demand that people are ‘present’ at work, and can often be inflexible, although there are a huge number who understand that contribution cannot be measured in hours! These enlightened companies measure output, motivation and engagement; not input (hours) as a badge of commitment. In my experience, there are still too many employers who have a rigid system of working hours, and also a rigid system of performance management. This, particularly for employees who need flexibility for life reasons – whether it be for children, elder care, a horse, a dog, health, community involvement or just personal preference, is a real issue and adds to stress. 
Long hours cultures and presenteeism is still rife.
In our workplace cultures today, we need bright-eyed, well rested, innovative and motivated people. We need workplaces that embrace flexible working and worklife balance practices.

So, what is worklife balance? It is simply about CHOICE and of course give and take. When an employee feels that they have choice (to deal with life’s stresses), they are more motivated, less stressed, less likely to take sick leave and ‘give and take’ their time and commitment for their employer. The company that adopts a give & take culture also enjoys increased customer satisfaction, reduced sickness absence and increased profitability. All of the companies that I have worked with have seen at least 38% and more increases in profitability and 31% increases in productivity. Employees who feel that they have NO CHOICE but to work long hours or work in a rigid and out of date leadership system, feel disengaged, deliver the minimum and live in fear of ever needing time out for life’s emergencies. These companies enjoy increased stress, increased sickness absence, reduced motivation, reduced customer satisfaction
and increased turnover of staff. Which would you rather be?

So what can employers do? Well, the first thing is to understand that if you want reduced stress, increased commitment and run a successful business, flexible working and worklife balance initiatives are one of the cheapest and biggest return initiatives that you can engage in. There are many different flexible working options – not just part-time and job share, that suit business and customer needs; not to mention employee needs. Secondly, the performance management systems should be explored to identify where their focus is and develop a system that is inclusive, doesn’t just measure weaknesses and is not all target focused. Thirdly, organisations need to measure and understand where the priorities are for improvement and pilot new ways of working in that area to prove the bottom-line benefit.

On your journey towards becoming an employer of choice, measuring where you are starting from is key. You need to know the current reality to know how you are progressing. Worklife Evolution® is a diagnostic tool developed by The Worklife Company to measure and provide recommendations to companies about their current situation in relation to worklife balance, wellbeing, culture etc. It also provides a report of recommendations which allow you to implement initiatives to suit your needs, rather than spray painting the whole company all at once! Some organisations implement recommendations in one area of their business as a pilot programme – Worklife Evolution is entirely flexible. Email me or call if you want to know more.

If that’s too much, then maybe Timeout would be good. This is a training programme that we developed for a Corporate client and it is 2 days of taking time out to review work and life and put actions together to redress the balance for the organisation, teams and self. It is wonderfully rejuvenating and always run in-house for companies. One-to-one Worklife Balance Coaching is particularly beneficial for specific individuals who are struggling to achieve balance.

I’d be delighted to come and entertain and educate your employers with a presentation about this topic, or, you can buy my book that tells you ‘how to’ apply worklife balance at work. It’s called ‘I’m Glad I Spent More Time at Work!’ and is available from Amazon. If you work alone, and are struggling, you may want a copy of my Worklife Balance tool – free of charge. Just email admin@theworklifecompany.com , or if you are a business woman, you may be interested in my workshops – Dancing ’round the Handbags. All of these are detailed on the website www.theworklifecompany.com

 

Remember, NO ONE EVER LAY ON THEIR DEATHBED WISHING THEY’D SPENT MORE TIME AT WORK!

Empty Nest or Golden Egg of Opportunity?

Both of my daughters came home tonight; my eldest from University, and my youngest finished her last day at school forever (well, all except the prize giving and Leaver’s Ball next Saturday). The house, and particularly the hallway is now full of dirty duvets, discarded English folders, doodled Government & Politics books, hockey sticks, iPod speakers, mugs in various stages of decay and suitcases full of strange smelling clothes! The onslaught of washing, cleaning and repairing is likely to take up the whole weekend for me, whilst my hungry teens make short shrift of the entire contents of the fridge and food cupboards! I love my nest being full again! Being a mum is the best job in the world…even if it is unpaid and 24/7, it is priceless and guarantees unconditional love! As I looked at my two beautiful girls, clambering, in skirts too short to be called skirts, over the piles of ‘stuff’ that comes back home from our educational establishments (why is it always more than when they left?), I pondered on who they had become, and who they will be. I wondered where the schooldays had gone. It seemed like yesterday that they were starting school; tiny little people, eager to grow and learn, marching into school wearing little pinafores and lacy white ankle socks. Now they are 19 and 18, and ready to spread their own wings beyond the safety and nurture of their mum’s protective nest. Where has that time in between gone? Why has it gone so fast? Why didn’t I write down more? It has vanished in the blink of an eye. Enjoy your children – every moment of them, for it goes so quickly. All of a sudden they are grown, and in a flurry of fashion, cars, boys, university choices and hairstyles, there is you, their mum quietly observing, like a fading ghost-like shadow of influence. Looking on with pure love, adoration and pride, blended into a cake of sadness, separateness and a small tug of impending loneliness. In my mind I tried to claw back the childhood days, remembering nostalgically their first day at school, bedtime stories and family holidays. I love stories, and when my daughters were little, I loved the bedtime routine of bath time, clean pyjamas and the girls excitedly snuggling down under their covers for a bedtime story before dropping off to sleep. Whilst tea time, homework, hair washing and the occasional visit of head lice comb, was always exhausting and fractious, the bedtime story was a time anchored with relaxation, imagination and love. Just recently I commented to a friend to savour these moments and enjoy every one, because her children would very soon bathe themselves, take themselves off to bed and want to read their own books. I cannot remember the last time I read to my girls at bedtime, I don’t even remember what that very last story was. If someone had told me, “tonight will be the last bedtime story ever!’ I might have filmed it, or marked it on a calendar. That magical, enchanting and loving time just fizzled out, and became blended into all the other memories of tooth-faerie visits, stabilisers being removed from bikes and the fateful Christmas when Santa was no longer real. When did I become an observer and no longer a guide? I have done my job, and whilst I will still be required to support them financially through university, and provide a roof over their head until that time they are financially independent, I know that the ‘bringing up children phase’ is now passing. I feel that tug of sadness that all mums whose kids are leaving school and going off to university or college feel – the empty nest syndrome, as it is referred to. Friends told me that I may not feel it because my daughters had been in Boarding school since they were 12, but I still had them home most weekends, and school was close enough for me to be involved in, so it wasn’t as if they had been packed off without the day-to-day involvement of mum! Yes, the empty nest syndrome is real, it is that double bind emotion that makes you proud and excited for your children to be moving on, combined with the underlying sense of loss of purpose for self. I have worked full-time since my girls were born, and in the past 13 years have run my own business, I have plenty of purpose outside of the home, but nothing compares with the purpose of being a parent. I wonder what else there is that could have as much purpose, joy, anguish, love and preciousness as the role of mother, a role that I have had since the moment of their conception? In a way, I have carried them from the beginning, first of all in my womb, nourishing and nurturing their growth for 9 months, then as infant, toddler, child, adolescent and teenager. I have carried them through every stage of their physical and emotional growth, to this point now where they feel ready to carry themselves forward. One day, with God’s blessing I will have grandchildren, and can enjoy the time with them and maybe my girls will finally get why I wouldn’t let them cycle on the roads alone when they were seven, or insisted they ate fruit and veg, and needed them to be in bed at a reasonable time! The work of a mother is fully encompassing and goes a million miles past the practical aspects.  I believe that this is why empty nest happens for so many women. We are suddenly dragged from a terrain of caring for others, into a terrain where we stand alone, and for the first time in a very long time, have only ourselves to think about. This place is scary for many, and tugs at their very identity and purpose. My purpose now is to begin to focus on myself, and not others as much (even though food and Top Shop parcels will still meander their way to different universities!). I must allow my own tune to emerge, to dance to it, and to leave a legacy that makes a difference for future generations. I believe that by focusing on the future, and moving towards a new dance, I can become the woman I always planned to be before my family came along. To work out just what that dance would be, I developed an exercise, which I would like to share with you. It is an exercise that will help to understand just what your dance of life is, your purpose. The exercise is noted below in a short form, and you can download the full version if you prefer. As I end this Saturday morning blog whilst my teens slumber in the rooms above, I send my prayers for their safety, happiness and health as they now begin to spread their wings and soar into the sky of life. I am so grateful for the joy of being a mother, and as I watch my daughters embark on their transition to adulthood, I am prompted to remember…A mother holds her children’s hands for a while, their hearts forever.

My Dance – My Purpose – My Way!

Make sure that when you do this exercise that you have lots of time when you will not be interrupted. Have some paper, a pen and a fully relaxed and open state of mind. To do this, use the Picture This! Candle Relaxation Technique, which can be downloaded or emailed to you, email admin@dancingroundthehandbags.com

1. Describe your ideal working/living/being environment? (Place, people, colour schemes, layout etc.)
2. Describe the mood of the environment? (how do you feel, how are you behaving and how are others behaving?)
3. Describe the skills and abilities that you are valued for in this working or living environment? (What are you good at, what do people recommend you for? What are you capable of?)
4. Describe what you believe about yourself? (What do you value now? What is important to you? What do you not want? What do you value in others? What do you not value in others? What do you believe your principles or values are?)
5. Who do you become in this place? (What is your identity? If you were to choose an actress to play the part of you in your life story, who would you choose? What is it about her that is the same as you?)
6. What will all of the previous answers get for you? (How do all of these answers inform you about who you are and what you are meant to be doing/being/having?
7. What is your purpose? (If there was one outcome that you would want, what would that be?)
8. What will it look like/be like when you have achieved that purpose for you and others?

For more information on Dancing Round the Handbags Workshops, book (out in the Autumn) and talks, please contact Lynne Copp at lynne.copp@theworklifecompany.com or admin@dancingroundthehandbags.com

Dance Your Best Life!

Who’s Sponsoring you to Smash the Glass Ceiling?

One of the most important findings of the Lipstick Leadership research so far, is the fact that the women who do reach the giddy heights of dancing to their own tune in the Boardroom, have, in all cases, had a career sponsor. A career sponsor is not a mentor, is not a coach, but is something entirely different. A sponsor is an advocate – a fan!

Let us look at what this ‘fan’ does, and begin by looking at it not from a career perspective, but from a customer and product perspective. At O2, the mobile and telecoms company, the Customer Service Director was once quoted as saying ‘at O2, we do not create customers, we create fans’. Cheryl Black is right. I am a fan of O2, a fan of Apple, but a customer of Marks and Spencer. What is the difference? A customer has brand awareness of your product or service, may even have brand preference and sometimes also display behaviours of brand loyalty, but a fan takes the customer experience to a whole new level and becomes an advocate. They shout about it from the rooftops, bring their friends, refuse to consider another option, look for ways to justify their purchase, loyalty and the brand itself. Mistakes are allowed, but it does not shake the fan from their pulpit of loyal and loud advocacy. It was Walt Disney who exemplified the ‘fan’ culture within Disney by saying to his people, “Do what you do ‘so well’ that they will want to see it again; and bring their friends.” Customers of restaurants purchase more than just a meal, football fans buy more than just a game… Customers, in fact buy three things:

• Good feelings and solutions to problems – customers buy with solutions in mind, not problems; a lovely cup of tea, not a new kettle because the old one has packed up.
• Buy with emotion and justify with Logic – you may ‘need’ a car to get you from A to B, but you really ‘want’ that nice little pink sports car with the soft top and great sound system! Here comes the logic… ‘of course I got a good deal, and it is economical!’
• Understand where they are and what they want – This is about closing the gap between ‘lack’ of something and ‘abundance’ of something - The CEO of Revlon once said, in our factories we make cosmetics, in our stores we sell hope.

It is the same in your career and if we apply the fan principles to your career, a sponsor is ESSENTIAL!

A Sponsor will:

1. Shout from the rooftops on your behalf
2. Will be aware of your unique brand, will have a preference for your unique brand, will be loyal to your unique brand and will, unreservedly, be an advocate for it above ALL others
3. Will recognise where you will create ‘good feelings and solutions to problems’ and will sell the benefit of you in that environment
4. Will be empathetic (my colleague at ALLY Coaching & Mentoring, Ali Dawson is writing and studying Interpersonal Intelligence, which by the way is more than emotional intelligence, and she is defining how others ‘tune in’ and create empathy) a sponsor tunes in and has empathy beyond what you do, he has empathy about who you are, how you do what you do, and who you can become.
5. Care about your success SO much! He has his own reputation on the line here, and so has a vested interest in the success of the brand he is advocating – you can’t let him down, his reputation depends on it – he can’t let you down, his reputation depends on it!

Finding sponsors is important, and many women don’t do it because they believe that it is politicking. Let me give you some advice, it is not! Politicking is entirely different, it can be manipulative and focused on jabbing your high heel in the person below you on the career ladder. Sponsorship is different, it does not create enemies, and in 100% of the successful women that I have interviewed, each of them have had a sponsor. In one case, a lady told me that she had one main male sponsor, but also a ‘posse’ of others!

Harvard Business Review has just released a report entitled:

The Sponsor Effect: Breaking Through the Last Glass Ceiling

by Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Kerrie Peraino, Laura Sherbin, Karen Sumberg

In the introduction they say “Women aren’t making it to the top. Despite gains in middle and senior management, they hold just 3 percent of Fortune 500 CEO positions. In the C-suite, they’re outnumbered four to one. What’s keeping women under the glass ceiling? According to this report, it’s the absence of male advocacy. High-performing women simply don’t have the sponsorship they need to reach the top. Spearheaded by American Express, Deloitte, Intel, and Morgan Stanley, the Hidden Brain Drain Task Force launched a study in 2009 to determine the impact of sponsorship and why women fail to make better use of it. The study found that women underestimate the role sponsorship plays in their advancement. And those who do grasp its importance fail to cultivate it. Many feel that getting ahead based on “connections” is a dirty tactic and that hard work alone is their ticket to the top. Women’s reluctance to engage senior men as allies is justified. Sponsorship, which often involves an older, married male spending time with a younger female, can look like an affair–and the wider the power gap between them, the greater the risk to both parties. In short, sponsorship can be misconstrued as sexual interest, so ambitious women and highly placed men avoid it. For women, the road to the top is also fraught with judgments about their personal lives. If they’re married with children, their would-be sponsors assume they are less available and less dedicated–and unsuitable for the C-suite. And yet a single woman with no children is often viewed by senior-level men as an oddity or a threat. It’s a classic catch-22: a woman’s personal choices, whatever they may be, brand her as not quite leadership material. What will it take to promote sponsorship? In 2010, leading-edge companies are making relationships between sponsors and protiges safe and transparent. Much work remains. But companies that foster sponsorship of their standout women will gain a competitive advantage in talent markets the world over.” The full report can be found at http://hbr.org/product/the-sponsor-effect-breaking-through-the-last-glass/an/10428-PDF-ENG?referral=00930&cm_mmc=email-_-rtb-_-10428-_-10428_053111_rtb&utm_source=rtb_10428&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=10428_053111_rtb

Breaking through the glass (or concrete) ceiling to be given the chance of Dancing your best work in the Boardroom requires a new mindset that includes finding a brilliant sponsor (or fan). So how do you go about doing that and who should they be? Should it be a man? If so why?

Next week I am running two workshops, one for the women at Hewlett-Packard, and one for the women in IBM. These women know what its like to work for their organisations, and to continually smack their heads off this ceiling. By the end of the workshop, they will have an understanding of how to grow their brand, grow their career and find others to shout about it on their behalf. What needs to happen for you to run a workshop like this, or engage in career coaching?

For details of workshops and coaching on careers for your women, contact: Lynne Copp, Managing Director, The worklife Company, admin@theworklifecompany.com 

Dance your BEST life!

Lynne Copp, Author, Public Speaker, Coach